431.2 pounds to be exact. To put it very simple, my life sucked. To be serious, I was lucky to be alive. I was lucky diabetes and high blood pressure hadn't attacked my body. I was living on borrowed time and what a miserable life it was.
I remember when the scale first read over 300 pounds, I brushed it off and thought, "no worries, you don't look like you weigh 300 pounds." Really? Who was I kidding.
My weight had taken over my entire life. Simple tasks were now painful ones.
Going to work and getting to my desk was a daily fear I had every day. Terrible thoughts raced through my mind as I would go to work. "What if the elevator is down and I have to climb the stairs?" "Where can I sit and rest after walking the parking lot before getting on the elevator?" The elevator that I had made a habit had now become a necessity.
Going to family functions became a dreadful event. I would often ask myself, "Where will I sit, Will the chair be big enough?" "What will so and so say this time about my weight?"
Spending time with my kids became quality time on the couch in front of the television or playing Wii sitting down.
My errands became my husbands' errands as I could no longer walk up and down grocery aisles or go to the post office because it was just too hard.
I began to distance myself from anyone including family. Had it not been for needing an income, I would have been bedridden sooner than later. A fear, I started to have daily.
I can't tell you what made me finally take that step and have weight loss surgery. Maybe it was the fact that choosing to have surgery was too painful because it meant admitting I couldn't do it on my own or worse yet, admitting I had a problem.
When I reached 300 on the way back down, my thoughts were different. They were more healthy. Is 300 pounds an acceptable weight? No, not for me. However, I can live like I weigh 150 pounds.
The difference in thinking is this, if you choose to ignore the problem, you're not facing it. If you accept it, but keep moving on in a more positive direction, it will eventually fade.
Thank you for reading, I'll post more on my past life at over 400 pounds and the new life I've found once I took control.