I always thought that if I figured out the "why", I could fix it. I now know that the "why" doesn't matter. Once I gave myself permission to not worry about the "why" things started to click. I abuse food. I have to change that no matter why I do it. I am fat. I have to change that no matter why I am. Sure, I may have learned to binge to cope with problems or reward myself with food from my mother but at some point, I became an adult and I am now responsible for my own actions.
I also thought that if I could just reach my goal weight, I would be happy. You can choose to be happy now. If you're waiting for permission, you have mine. It's ok to be happy.
I've mentioned peanut butter cups a lot on this blog already and there is a reason for it. My wellness coach helped me see that it's important to find out what makes you happy. For him, an Olive burger from Smashburger does it for him. For me, it's peanut butter cups. We don't eat them every day but occassionally, we do. They make us happy.
Playing with my kids and taking them to events make me happy. At 400 pounds you don't do much but sit on sidelines and watch life pass you by. Having that kind of life did not make me happy.
I've learned that taking a walk around the block really helps me clear my mind and regain focus. I don't go for a walk to exercise. Exercise is just a benefit. Walking makes me happy.
I've learned I love date night with my husband. I no longer dread that energy it takes to get ready and be out in public. My husband makes me happy.
I've learned that wearing make up and jewelry make me happy. I wear it often as I don't feel happy without it. It reminds me of my past when I didn't have the energy or the desire to pamper myself. Don't mistake this for it makes me feel pretty. I am pretty with or without make up and jewelry. :) Pampering myself makes me happy.
I've learned I love to make jewelry. I took a class and plan to make more. Being creative makes me happy.
I've learned that I love doing volunteer work. Helping others makes me happy.
This winter I am going to go sledding with my son and rather than sit and watch from the car or stay home while his dad takes him, I'm going to go sledding down the hill with him. If I break my leg, I won't be happy but I'll be creating memories that will make us happy for a lifetime.
I used to think that all food and great quantities of food would make me happy. It would fill the void of whatever was happening in the moment. Unfortunately, it hindered the happy in the future.
Figure out your happy. You can be happy now no matter what weight you are or where you're at in this journey. I can honestly say that if I never lose another pound, I am happy and love myself and my life. See, that's why this is working. I wasn't fixing the right problem, and created another one in it's place.
Bottom line, eat less and move more. If you need help, get it. You have to put yourself first before you can do for others. You are worth it, you deserve it and you deserve to be happy.